Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
