you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
