I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
