So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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