my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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