Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
