I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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long story
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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