Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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