i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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