No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
