We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
