R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
