So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
