i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
