I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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