next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
