So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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