I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
