i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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