Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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