the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
