mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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