So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
