I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
