I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
