We won't sleep together?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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