my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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