yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize