i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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