Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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