I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
