I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
