and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
