I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Come share oat with me in your robe
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
