Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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