Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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