i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
sarcasm needs its own font
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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