I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
