i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
