it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
