In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
