just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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