He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
