do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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