when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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