Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
