Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
