ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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