If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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