If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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