guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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