ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
