I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
