I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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