lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
