Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
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