if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
