Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
