i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
NoShamevember. You game?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
