I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize