I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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