The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
