I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
worst night to have a conscience
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
