So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
