i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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