So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
